


patient

by weloveagoodfandom



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (Ish) - Freeform, Abuse, Alternate Universe, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Doctor!Magnus, Eventual Happy Ending, Forbidden Love, Graphic Description, Homophobia, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Rape, Sad, Sexual Abuse, Suicide Attempt, Underage Rape/Non-con, patient!Alec
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 14:55:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18640390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weloveagoodfandom/pseuds/weloveagoodfandom
Summary: Alec's life has not been easy, especially since he came out to his father.After being abused for years, and a suicide attempt, he lands in a mental institution.Will the charming and understanding doctor, Magnus Bane, be able to help him?Maybe, but it will require them both to be patient, because healing takes time.





	patient

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first fic, so lets see how it goes. Hope you like :)

Alec didn’t know why, he just trusted the doctor. He had only met him a month ago, when he had arrived.  
He couldn’t tell anyone his secret though, what his father had put him through… it was too shameful, embarrassing… But the doctor – Magnus, he had asked Alec to call him, was just so gentle and encouraging.

“It’s ok Alexander, you can tell me. I promise I just want to help you.”

He wanted to cry. The doctor was so kind and patient. He didn’t deserve such things. But he kept asking. Maybe Alec should just tell him – he could already imagine the disgust… but that would be nothing new. Ok. Just do it. He wiped away the tears running down his face, not that it helped as they just kept flowing, and took a deep breath.

“Good, Alexander. Just breathe, and let it out.”

Alec liked how the doctor called him by his first name. He said it with not hatred or anger in his voice, but understanding and kindness – something not very common in Alec’s life. He would miss it once Magnus knew – knew was disgusting things Alec had done.

“I-it started when I was thirteen…

***

FOUR YEARS AGO

“Dad? I need to speak with you.”

“Well you’re speaking with me now. Hurry up, I’m very busy.”

Alec took a deep breath. It was now or never. He couldn’t hide his secret any longer.

“Dad, I… I’m gay.”

Robert was speechless for a second. Then his face twisted in anger. Alec was scared – he had never seen him look so furious.

“What? No son of mine will be a filthy faggot! That is a disgusting lifestyle for the lowest class of people who deserve to die! You horrid boy…..” Robert continued to yell angrily at his son.

Alec was horrified. He stood there, for what seemed like hours, without protesting, just taking the abuse Robert hurled at him.

“You know what? Get out of my face. I don’t want to see you again. I have done so much for you and now you want to throw it away by being a disgusting homo. You repulse me. I will teach you a lesson for being such a disappointment waste of space!”  
Robert finally stopped yelling.

Alec turned and ran from the study, tears already beginning to fall down his face. He got up to his room and locked the door. He lay on his bed and cried.

What if it is true? I am a waste of space? Disgusting? Pathetic? Filthy?  
What if my father is right?

***

After that, Alec went into a downward spiral. He stopped eating, sleeping, going out.

His father berated him at every opportunity. His mother barely noticed him.

His little sister Izzy was worried, but Alec would never tell her any of what his father said to him, no matter how many times she asked.

Even his adoptive brother Jace asked him what was going on, but Alec brushed him off.

His father was right. He was worthless. He didn’t deserve love or support.  
He didn’t think things could get worse. But they could. Much, much worse.

***

Things got worse when the school year started.

Izzy and Jace both went to boarding school – Izzy’s a posh private school for girls, and Jace’s an all-boys school. He used to go to the same school as Alec but got a sports scholarship to his new boarding school, so Alec was now alone.

His mother also went to interstate every weekend for her job.

And so, Alec was alone with his father at home.

That was when The Man started coming around.  
Alec’s father told him The Man was there to “educate” Alec.  
To show him what being ‘a filthy gay’ felt like.

It started with touch – The Man kiss Alec, run his hands up and down his body.  
It felt strange, and wrong. Alec didn’t like it. But his father had warned him not to resist. It was for his own good.

The Man’s actions escalated. His hands crept lower, and lower. His clothes were removed, slowly. The shirt first, then his pants, and eventually his boxers too. Alec didn’t want it – it made him feel sick, and dirty, and it was wrong – so wrong. But he didn’t resist.

The Man just observed, the first time he removed Alec’s clothes. But then it escalated. Alec was forced to lie on his stomach, and felt something hard, and big, at his entrance. It pushed inside, and it felt like he was being split in half. It burned and Alec cried out, but The Man didn’t stop. He made a growling noise, almost like Alec’s protests made his experience better.

“Pl-please stop- ngh… sto—ah! It hurts ..oh”

***

And it kept happening. Alec couldn’t even count how many times. His father said that The Man was helping him, and he would continue the ‘treatment’ until Alec had learned his lesson, and stopped being an abomination.  
He hoped, that maybe his father didn’t know – didn’t know how much The Man hurt him. But he knew deep down, that he did, and he let it happen. Which is what hurt the most.

And so he pushed everyone away. Even his sister barely spoke to him, knowing it was a futile endeavour. She was better off without him anyway, Alec knew.  
His father got more and more frustrated as Alec withdrew, seemingly giving up on changing Alec – now he was simply punishing him. But Alec deserved it for not being the shining, perfect son he was supposed to be.

***

Years passed. The Man still came by, occasionally.

But one day things changed.  
When he couldn’t take it anymore, the pain was too great, and it was pain that no one could see, he could tell no one about - he was alone, there was no hope, no light, no reason to be… Alec broke.   
And that is what led him to the bathroom cabinet that night. To open the new pack of razorblades he had bought the week before, at the store down the road.  
Blood swelled to the surface and dripped to the floor as he pressed the sharp edge to his finger, reminding him of how the blood dripped down his thighs, to the floor that first night The Man had taken him. Reminding him of why he had to leave, and the ache he still felt, both in his body and his heart.

And so, Alec sat with his back to the cool ceramic of the bathtub, and raised the blade to his arm.  
He sliced up from his right wrist to elbow, and quickly did the same to his left arm. He felt nothing, at first. But then, burning, such intense stinging pain he almost cried out. But he had learned to keep it inside, so that is what he did.

***

His little sister Isabelle had found him. She knocked on the bathroom door.

“…Alec? Are you almost done? I have to shower.” She spoke timidly, used to being quiet around Alec. There was only silence.  
After a minute or so, “Alec? I’m coming in…”  
The door was unlocked.  
“Alec? Oh my.. ALEC! OH GOD HELP‼ HELP! CALL AN AMBULANCE! HELP‼ Oh my god Alec please… Please be okay… HELP‼”

 

There was a rush of action after that – the ambulance had come and it was all a blur of people, telling him it was okay, to relax, they would take care of him.  
After a few days it was recommended to his parents that Alec be cared for in a mental ward for his recovery, and possibly after the fact too because he was clearly insane. Well, it wasn’t worded like that, but Alec knew. His parents, unsurprisingly, agreed. Anything to get the problem child out of their sight. If they didn’t have to deal with him, it was fine. His siblings disagreed, but they didn’t have much of a say.

And here Alec was.

***

PRESENT DAY

He told the doctor about coming out to his father, and how he had reacted in disgust.

“Oh Alexander…”

“N-no please just, let me speak.” Alec knew if he stopped now he would never be able to tell him.

Magnus nodded.

He told Magnus about how The Man started to come around, and what he did. He told him about the pain, how it never stopped, and finally, what he did that night in the bathroom.

Alec choked on the words, and went silent, eyes to the ground. He had told the doctor almost everything – now he just had to wait for the disgust.

“Alexander, look at me.”

Alec didn’t want to look, didn’t want to see the disappointment again. He raised his eyes, but Magnus didn’t look angry… rather, understanding, and slightly sad.

“It was not your fault Alexander. What your father and that man did to you… you didn’t deserve it. It was horrible and you didn’t deserve it.”

“B-but I.. I did deserve it… I am w..worthless… and p-pathetic…” His voice was low, barely a whisper, and tears continued to fall down his cheeks.

“No, Alexander,” Magnus said gently, “You did not deserve it. And while you find it hard to believe, their actions do not define you. You are not a lesser person because of what happened. In fact, I believe you can recover even stronger.”

Alec was silent. He looked at Magnus, incredulous. 

“You are not worthless, or disgusting. You are a victim of some horrible people, but you are more than that. Your past is a part of you but it is not all of you, and it is definitely not all that matters.”

“I..” Alec trailed off. He didn’t know what to think, what to say. He wasn’t expecting this – this gentleness, kindness, understanding.

“I know. It is probably a lot to take in. But it is okay. You will get better – it will just take time. It is okay, Alexander.”

Alec cried.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought in the comments. And don't forget to leave kudos if you liked it!


End file.
